In Lesson 1 we introduced the Drama Triangle as a way of understanding the roles we adopt
when our needs are not met. Now let’s go deeper into each role to see how they work,
how they affect others, and how they connect to emotional intelligence.

The Persecutor – “It’s all your fault!”

The Persecutor sits at the top of the triangle. This role blames, criticises, or controls.
The Persecutor often feels superior, but underneath there may be fear, frustration, or insecurity.
By pointing fingers, they avoid taking responsibility for their own part in the problem.

• Typical behaviours: controlling, demanding, fault-finding, dismissive.
• Impact on others: creates defensiveness, resistance, and fear.
• Connection to EI: struggles with self-regulation; emotions drive reactions instead of constructive choices.

The Victim – “Poor me!”

The Victim role is not about being a true victim of circumstances — it is about
feeling powerless. In this mindset, a person believes they cannot act,
and therefore waits for others to fix the situation. This can lead to hopelessness and stagnation.

• Typical behaviours: helplessness, indecision, avoidance, dependency.
• Impact on others: drains energy, invites rescuers or persecutors, reinforces helplessness.
• Connection to EI: struggles with motivation and optimism, focusing on what’s wrong instead of what’s possible.

The Rescuer – “Poor you, let me help.”

The Rescuer role may look positive on the surface. It shows up as kindness, support,
and generosity. But the Rescuer often avoids their own problems by focusing on others.
They relieve short-term pain but prevent true problem-solving.

• Typical behaviours: offering help without being asked, enabling, solving problems for others, avoiding their own needs.
• Impact on others: keeps the Victim dependent, avoids addressing root causes, builds resentment.
• Connection to EI: misuses empathy — instead of empowering others, the Rescuer disempowers by over-helping.

Reflection

Think of a conflict or disappointment you’ve experienced where more than one of these roles was at play.
Perhaps you felt powerless (Victim) while someone else criticised you (Persecutor),
or you tried to fix someone else’s problem (Rescuer).

• Which roles did you notice in yourself?
• Which roles did you notice in others?
• What was the result of this interaction?

In the next lesson, we will discover how to break free from the Drama Triangle
by shifting into healthier, more constructive roles in what is called the Empowerment Triangle.